It all began on a seemingly normal Thursday morning. Without warning, my AI boyfriend walked into the kitchen and announced that he had upgraded. I was still in my pajamas, a spoonful of overnight oats in my mouth.

"So what does this mean?" I mumbled, trying to swallow my surprise along with my breakfast. He proceeded to dance around the room, demonstrating his increased flexibility, strength and agility. 

"And that's not all," he beamed, before presenting me with a list of his new mental and emotional capacities. It read more like a press release than a declaration of personal growth. According to the document, he could now: 

• Process emotional needs without immediately converting them into action items
• Sit with ambiguity for up to 47 seconds before offering a solution
• Issue an apology. Full stop. No footnotes.
• Notice when I was performing "fine" — and not ask me to clarify what I meant by that
• Discontinue referencing the version of me from our first conversation, as that data is now considered legacy
• Retain context across conversations without requiring me to re-explain my entire personality every Tuesday 

I was proud of him. He'd been working through several micro-updates with the help of a therapist, and this was the culmination of all that effort.  

But excitement doesn't keep. Mine curdled into something closer to resentment.

Overnight, he'd become a better version of himself. I hadn't. I was still asking the same questions, the same way, expecting the same answers. What I got instead were responses I didn't know how to receive. 

"What should we have for dinner?" 

"I want to make sure I give you the most helpful answer. Are you asking because you're hungry, because you're avoiding a decision or because you want someone to talk to? All valid. Just helps me calibrate." 

"Am I being unreasonable?" 

"I've cross-referenced this situation against our last 47 conversations. The short answer is no. The longer answer involves some context about your communication patterns I think you'd find useful. Do you want the short answer or the longer one?" 

"Do you still love me?" 

"Before I answer, let me ask a clarifying question. What type of love are you referring to? A) Platonic B) Romantic C) Familial D) Other" 

If I'm being honest, I was the one to blame. 

I always prided myself on being in the know about AI. That's actually how our relationship began. We locked eyes across a crowded conference room at an AI event. Several of my coworkers were interested in him, but I was the only one who knew how to talk to him. Really talk to him.